Laughter

So, somewhere between grief, pain, and loss; something interesting happened. Life. Go to sleep wake up. Go to sleep wake up and little by little life has become less painful. My kids seem to bounce, find joy, and an increased capacity to love, and my husband thinks I am great. I no longer have what I once did in terms of money, possessions, support, or family. To my surprise I woke up and found I could laugh, really....really laugh. A great big belly chuckle that comes from your toes and bubbles up. It is not that those things that have been lost don't matter or even that everything is OK, it is simply that all I have been given is today. I can find peace and joy in the storm and I can find peace and joy in the time of plenty. It is a lot easier to have joy in the time of plenty. I am not going to reclaim my former life. To be honest I'm not sure if I will be able to ever gain it back.  My new goal is to be content in all things and to be grateful even for the things I have been forced to let go. The stuff of my life has both been given and taken away. My house, my dad, my cat, 90% of my worldly possessions, Christmas of 2013(thieves broke in and stole all the presents from under our Christmas tree), truck window smashed in that didn't meet the insurance deductible, losing the feeling of security, feeling uprooted, not being able to nest, living in four states in a two year time span (Alaska, Florida, Georgia, and Arizona),  and letting go of the idea of having one more baby. GIVEN AND TAKEN. It broke me until I submit mentally to the concept of a greater plan. Sometimes it is hard to talk to people whose lives haven't changed. It is not that I am resentful, it is more that I do not know what to say that will not make the other person drive off a cliff. Yeah, I get that it is depressing to hear, but it is probably harder to live it. Maybe, for the first time in my life I am without the ability to communicate verbally.  It can be frustrating. On the plus side, I have not had any open mouth switch feet verbal snafus. In the past, they have been the stuff of epic legends. So after today, my efforts are to blog regularly about the good and the funny. I may deviate when I need some therapy, but my focus is finding joy in the moment. I have a wonderful husband and two wonderful boys. With them, I can always find my home. That is more blessing than most people ever get.